and his reply:

Sorry, but we are having some technical difficulties.  The server went down for the webcam, nothing we can do about it.  It’s kinda like when myspace goes down and you just think ARRG!  and then realize your life is more than the internet and you go do something different, like in the real world…

So we are having a lot of fun bowling.  I won the first game (I asked Alan if he let me win, but he swore I did it all on my own.)  And then he really beat me on the second game, but we both had improved a lot.

Hi there out there, Alan here.  We’re having a really nice date here at the bowling alley, even though all the technical stuff isn’t working.  I feel kind of bad for Delia because of it, because she worked so hard to put all this stuff together and Murphy’s law has struck, but I still think that there are a lot of things that did go right in this project.  I’m still glad to be here, and I’ll miss Delia once the project is over and think it’ll be interesting to meet Jane when she gives me a ride to the airport later today.  Well we’ve got one rematch game of bowling left and maybe a game of pool, and then I’m off, back to California.  And Delia mentioned that she might return, so maybe sometime in the future we can do it again!  Maybe. 

This is my last day as Delia and I’m feeling elated to be done and a little sad.  I’m going to miss her.

It’s been 2 months of being Delia every day, experiencing life from a different viewpoint.  Life is easier for Delia for a number of reasons.  She doesn’t have as many responsibilities as me and she doesn’t stress over the ones she has.  Of course she gets upset when things don’t work out, like the computer problems in the museum, because she doesn’t like to let people down.  However, she doesn’t take on the burden of responsibility for it.  She is a people pleaser but not a worrier.  And she is endlessly optimistic.

Perhaps because of this, people seem to like Delia (other than my friends who have been actively missing me and seem to resent Delia a little bit.)  She is just so darn nice and friendly.  She has a sweet little voice and a gracious manner.  I hope to learn from her how to be a little more patient and polite in my regular life.  I’m so focused on what I’m working on most of the time that I can be a bit abrupt or less than gracious with people when I’m busy.  Especially the people I’m closest to, because I know they will forgive me.  Delia is kind to everyone but especially people she loves.  She has her priorities straight.

She is pretty in a different way than me and it is more than the hair, makeup, clothes, lips and teeth.  She is pretty because she is sweet, gracious and kind.

I have to thank Alan for creating someone who I have enjoyed embodying.  He’s been such a sport and has hardly blinked an eye when I refer to “Jane” in the third person about one thing or another.  He has been great at playing along.  In fact, the real me is going to take him to the airport tonight, partly because I want to thank him and partly because he wants to meet me. 

What he has done is brave and very cool.  It took guts to come here alone.  On the ride back from the airport that first day I (Delia) said, “Do your friends know you’re doing this?”  He said, “Yeah, some of them.”  When I asked, “What do the think?” he replied, “Well, some of them were afraid you might be an axe murderer…”  We both laughed and I said, “Yep, that was what my friends were afraid of too.”

So I admire his courage for coming here and trusting that it would be OK.  As he said that evening, “Well, you only live once.”  And I could help thinking how normal it has become to travel miles from home to meet someone you only know online.  This is a strange project (reflecting an even stranger reality) and he has both taken it seriously and with a sense of fun.  In fact, he is a very laid back guy who seems to match Delia in optimism and kindness.  Which makes me think I’ve done a pretty good job.  He and Delia seem to be a good match, and she really likes him.  He is perfect for her.

Unfortunately, she is invented, a collaboration between Alan, the voting public and me.  I like him and am so appreciative of his participation, but I am not Delia and after today Delia goes home and disappears again into the ether.  She is an avatar who stepped off the screen for a few months.  But like everything on the internet, she is a blend of “reality” and “fiction”.  In this way, she represents our culture.

I think things are going really well.  We are getting along super well and having fun.  The first date was a picnic in the park.  We chatted for a while and then TV station guys showed up and interviewed us both separately, which was weird but cool.  It’s so strange to see yourself on TV.  (I watched it that night at my friend Jess’s house)

I was thinking, ‘Do I really look like that?  Do I really sound like that?’   It wasn’t a hundred percent flattering to be honest.  I kinda hold my mouth in a funny way when I’m talking…

 So then we ate some lunch and a zillion kids showed up and took over the benches right near us.  And then the computer started running out of batteries, so we found a new location under a pavilion.  It wasn’t the most private date between the kids, the cameras, the video, the TV station.  But still I have a super time and really liked hanging out with Alan.  He’s just really laid back and fun to talk to.

Here’s a picts of us sitting under the pavilion:

Then today was our next date and it was even better.  We made spring rolls, miso soup and fried rice.  He had never had miso soup and I’d never made any of that stuff before and it really turned out good. 

It was a very fun date.  I hope tomorrow turns out good too.

Then the date was over but my friend Jess offered to give him a free hair cut if he wanted.  And it turns out that he really wanted one and had meant to get one before coming but didn’t have time (he’s been writing a screen play!)  That was fun and it was nice to have him meet my two best buddies here (Gina was there too but had to leave right away.) 

Jess is SO silly!

And here’s the real haircut.  Turned out good didn’t it?

OK, I’m tired and need to go to bed and get my beauty sleep!

-Delia

The first time I remember meeting the man who would become my first love was freshman orientation.  I remember walking over to Western with a guy and girl I’d just met to see the comedian George Carlin.  The girl reminded me of my childhood best friend and I immediately liked her.  He was tall dark and gloomy.  I liked him too but didn’t relate to his quiet and restrained manner.  We didn’t all become best pals right away, but oddly they both became major players of my college experience.

As we walked, wonderful fall light filtered through the still green leaves of late summer.  I smiled and turned my face to the sun only half paying attention to the conversation.  I loved being in college.  I felt lighthearted and carefree.  This was what I’d worked so hard for, freedom.

My mother and I had argued endlessly throughout my senior year about me going away for college.  She’d say, “We can’t afford it!”  And I’d reply, “They’ll be my loans.”  Then she’d say, “But it makes more sense to stay home for a year or two and then go to college.”  My reply, “Yep, but I’m still going,” would often make her cry.  Once in a particularly dramatic moment she sobbed, “but I don’t want to eat cat food when I’m old.”   This argument made no sense at all.  Trying not to laugh, I said, “I’ll buy you tuna.”

So there I was my first week of school and I was already making friends and life never seemed so good, perhaps to make up for the awful years of high school.

A few weeks later, I got a letter in the mail.  It was from this same guy.  As I read, my gut tightened.  It was a love letter. I was somewhere between disbelief, anxiety and nervous laughter.  I liked him and he was nice but I didn’t want a boyfriend, and if I did, I didn’t think it would be him.  I showed the letter to a few friends and asked what to do.  We laughed a bit and I felt bad for showing it to them.  But they gave me good advice and ultimately I just approached him and said quite honestly that I wasn’t interested.

Senior year, it was at a party I think (I don’t really remember) but I do remember him leaning over and whispering in my ear, “You know, I still love you.”  Again, I felt shocked, but this time I was pleased rather than dismayed.  I couldn’t believe he still liked me.  Over the years we floated in and out of the same social circles, never quite in the same group but with a lot of cross over.  I thought, “What the hell, if he still likes me after all this time, I’ll give him a chance.”  I’m glad I did.  He was my first love and my first heartbreak.

We were living in Boston in a tiny apartment.  I looked around at the piles of stuff and felt angry.  ‘Why doesn’t he clean up after himself.  What? Does he expect me to do it?’  I was working a terrible job taking pictures of babies in malls and discount stores.  This was not the life I’d imagined after college.  I was angry in general, and lonely despite the fact that my best friend also lived in town (same girl I met that fine fall day in Freshman year.) 

Things were not too good between my friend and me.  She and I had planned to move to Boston together, but then in a romantic moment, I’d looked at my boyfriend and said, “You want to move to Boston.”  When I told her he’d agreed, she looked hurt.  To make it worse, she’d had a huge crush on him the year before.  We couldn’t all live together (which is what I suggested to her at the time.)  It would have been impossible, awful.  I chose him over her.  At that time I was ruled by impulse and was being a very bad friend.

So, that day I was angry about the mess in the apartment.  When he got home that night, I said, “It is getting so messy in here.  I’m not your mother.  I’m not going to clean up after you.”  He didn’t say anything.  He just looked at me, his beautiful brown eyes showing his irritation.  This made me more angry, and I insisted, “Why don’t I clean the kitchen and you clean the bathroom?”  He shrugged, “OK.”

I still can’t believe that I actually made a set of cleaning instructions as if he’d never be able to figure out how to clean a bathroom on his own.  In fact, I think I taped them to the bathroom wall.

I was miserable.  We were miserable.  There were definitely good times when we just enjoyed each others company, but most of the time we fought or he valiantly tried to ignore my tears or rants.

It shouldn’t have surprised me when a half a year later, he turned to me in bed one night and said, “I want to fall in love again.”

This hurt terribly, but only because I’d allowed myself to love him.  Love is always an act of bravery.  A friend said recently that courage is not about being fearless, but doing something despite your fear.

I fell for you the moment I first saw you.  It was at a dorm party during the first month of college.  Everything about your face, your body, your long hair, your easy laugh, your crazy energy, your huge smile, was incredibly appealing.  I was totally smitten.

I didn’t have the courage to ask you out at first, and  I had a hard time getting to know you.  You weren’t very receptive to hanging out and talking with me, or so I thought.  You seemed to exist comfortably in your own world with your new friends, enjoying the thrill of a new college life.  I did tag along with you and a few mutual friends to an environmental fundraising event, with an Earth First speaker lecturing the audience and singing Earth-friendly folk songs.  Walking to and from the event, I noticed how different we were.  I would run in short sprints to burn off excess energy – you would skip happily along at your own pace.  I would either talk intensely about serious subjects only, or not at all – you would talk about anything and everything, for the sheer joy of conversation.  I was Ren – you were Stimpy.

Finally I gathered up the courage to write you a long love poem.  It was pretty bad.  I might throw up if I saw it again.  But at the time, I meant every word.  You weren’t terribly impressed.  You let me know straight away that you weren’t attracted to me – no equivocation.  I don’t think you liked my intensity.  You were probably worried that I would stalk you.  But I wasn’t a stalker – I was a sulker.  So I buried my feelings for a long time.

Over the years, I became more comfortable in my own skin, and my social skills improved.  We’d see each other here and there, and chat here and there, and it was no big deal.  We were casual acquaintances, though we moved in different social circles.  You didn’t seem to change too much, and I was okay with that.  Little did I know what would happen before we graduated.

We finally hooked up, quite to my surprise, during a big outdoor party, maybe two months before graduation.  I was extremely intoxicated, and I don’t remember everything that happened during the party.  At some point, all of the sudden, we were dancing and making out in public.  I would have been embarrassed the day after it I had done this with anyone else but you.  Instead, I was ecstatic.  I guess the alcohol and the upcoming end of school broke down a few barriers on my end.  I wasn’t sure why you embraced me like you did, but I didn’t care.  Your acceptance meant the world to me.

We had a few short weeks of dating at the very end of college, and you proposed that we move to Boston.  I think it took me two seconds to say “yes” to such a huge decision.  I didn’t have any other post-college plans, and the idea of striking out for a brand new city was very exciting.  My friends and family were surprised, since we had not officially dated for very long.  But after four years of college, I felt like I knew you pretty well, and that we would be compatible as a couple.

Being young and naïve, I thought everything would go very smoothly.  The move itself went fine, but the other circumstances about our new life together took their toll over time.  We lived in a tiny apartment with very little money.  We both had temporary corporate jobs or public service volunteer work, none of which was fully satisfactory.  Boston was exciting at first, but draining after awhile.  I was worn down by the daily struggle, and I think you were too.

On top of all this, I realized that maybe we weren’t compatible as a couple.  For example, one day you were driving us through Boston in a rental van, going to pick up a free sofa.  You had a hard time telling left from right.  I would read the map, ask you to turn left, and you would say “which is left?” or “what do you mean, show me.”  I was completely exasperated.  How the hell could you not know left from right?  I could not understand how anyone could have such difficulties with spatial relationships – especially someone with a strong visual sense for artistic expression.  Another person would have let it go – but I didn’t.

At the time, I did not have the patience, the respect, and the good behavior to maintain a healthy relationship with you.  I wasn’t fully committed to the relationship, and I decided that we could not overcome our strong personality differences.  Most importantly, you went back to school and found a calling that appealed to you.  I was nowhere near to finding my equivalent focus in life, and I probably felt jealous of your new direction.  So I decided I needed a new life.  I left you, and then I left town.

In the end, it was probably the right decision, even though it caused both of us a lot of pain.  I regretted what I did for the first year away, but over time I adjusted to my new life in a new city, and I came to see that you and I just weren’t meant to be together for all time.  I only wish I had handled myself better while we were together.  We did have some good times, and I will never forget what a wonderful person you can be.

Problems and more problems with the computer in the gallery.  I’m ready to pull my hair out (no wait, I need that for my dates.)  Everything worked for two weeks just fine and then for some reason it stopped working three days ago.  So I bought a new cable and it worked for about 3 hours then quit.  So over the weekend I took it in to the computer shop (where, of course, it worked fine) then took it back to the gallery and it did not work.  So I called the TV company to see if that was the problem.  After 2 hours on the phone with them, it was clear that they couldn’t help.  The next day, I was pulling out the cable to try the TV with a different computer (in case that was the problem) and miracle of miracles the thing suddenly worked!  ARRGH.

Today it did not work at ALL.  So I almost had a break down, took it in to the computer shop again, managed not to cry, left it with them all day, helped set up for the Her Shorts International Women’s Video Festival, went back and it still didn’t work, got Mexican food next door (it was 2pm and I was starving…), went to the mall to get the ATT wireless card for the webcam, went back and…… it works!!  Hurray.  Of course, I want to check it out tomorrow morning to see if it works in the gallery.  If it doesn’t, I think I will have a nervous breakdown (kidding, I’m really very level headed but just a tiny bit stressed right now.)

Her Shorts is 8-10PM

Alan arrives 10:14PM

Tomorrow:

Make signs and instructions for museum 5:30-8AM

Systems check in museum 8:30AM

Go grocery shopping for our picnic 9:30A

Pick up Alan and get set up 10:30AM

Dates 11AM-3PM

Teach my Class 3:30-5PM

Take a big ol nap 5:30PM

Phew!  Can I go home now?  No really, I’m super excited to meet Alan tonight, and then go on our dates.  I spent the whole day yesterday cleaning.  The house is cleaner than when I got here. 

Then I had friends over for a dinner and good bye party.  We had a total girl evening.  Jess brought over stuff for facial waxing, and did my brows and lips.  Bye bye ugly little hairs.  She says they’re not noticeable, but I notice them. 

BEFORE                                          AFTER 

And they helped me pick out outfits and jewelry.  Jess lent me some of hers.  It was fun.

I sure am going to miss those girls!!

-Delia

Alan is coming very soon!  I am nervous and excited.  I want everything to be perfect.  So, far there are some great date ideas, but nobody is voting… Oh well.  I suppose Alan and I can just pick what we want to do together.  It was nice to get ideas in any case.

I can’t believe I’ll be going home in just a few days.  I can’t wait, but at the same time, I’m going to miss this place.  Just yesterday, I went for a walk with Gina out in the beautiful desert.  It hit me that I’m really starting to feel like I know this city and have made some good friends.  I’m going to miss everyone and everything so much when I leave.  Who knows when I’ll be back again. 

This experience has really opened my eyes.  I won’t say it’s been easy or all fun.  The real reason I agreed to do this (other than wanting to meet someone nice) is that I was afraid to live my whole life wishing I’d taken more chances, wishing I’d been more adventurous. 

Having come here and lived a different life for a little while, I realized that I love my life, my home, my friends and my family.  For a long time, I’ve been feeling like my life is a little boring by other people’s standards and that I’d let too many opportunities go by out of fear of the unknown.  Now I realize that by not doing things I was also making choices, good choices because they were the right choices for me.  It is really important for me to live near family and friends.  I live in a beautiful place and I have a good life.  It took coming here to make me really appreciate that.

Although it sure is beautiful here!

So anyway, I can’t wait to meet Alan… and I can’t wait to go home, and at the same time it makes me sad to be leaving.

One of my students told me, “You know I have to admit that I like you better than Jane!”  It was so sweet of him and made me feel good.

Here’s another couple of messages from Alan:

And here’s my reply:

Stay tuned and watch the dates this coming week: April 29- May 1

-Delia