On Being Delia 2
My third week as Delia: Being Delia has been difficult this week. Several friends wrote emails saying that they missed me, that they hadn’t realized the full extent of what I am doing and what it would mean for them. They also asked if there was any way to contact me. As Delia, I read their emails and thought, ‘Oh dear, that’s too bad. Well, no… Jane is gone until May’ and then dutifully wrote back, “This is Delia. I’m house sitting for Jane and answering her emails and phone while she’s gone. She won’t be back until May. -Delia”
One of my friends invited Delia out for a juice. After introducing ourselves, I looked at his shaved and tattooed forehead and said, “Wow, you have unusual eyebrows!” When he replied, “Oh, I was born that way…” I just giggled. We chatted comfortably about a number of things. It was easy to stay in character because he played along.
Our congenial mood was broken later, when I heard someone say, “Jane. Hey, Jane.” I didn’t turn and the woman spoke up louder. My companion and I turned to look at her, and an awkward moment ensued. With a confused smile, I said, “Hi. I’m Delia, actually.” She came over, shook my hand, and stared hard at me. “I’m sorry. You look a lot like my friend Jane.” I just smiled my nice, friendly Delia smile, but inside I didn’t feel like Delia. I felt mean.
All along, I was worried about being unfair or cruel to my potential participant. So I drew up a contract, carefully explaining the project. The contract states that we have no further obligation to each other after the live ”dates”. Along with the contract, I sent him an email clearly stating that this was a project and not meant to be a genuine romantic pursuit. I really tried to cover all my bases and be up front with him.
It didn’t occur to me until right before my transformation began, that it would be difficult or awkward for my friends and family. I never considered that people might feel stupid for mistaking Delia for Jane, that casual acquaintances might think that I am making fun of them, or that I would constantly create that ungainly moment when someone waves at you and then they realize that you’re not who they thought you were. Unfortunately, I didn’t make a contract for my friends, family and community. The email I sent, inviting them all to a “Goodbye Jane Party,” didn’t properly explain my project and its ramifications. I didn’t cover all my bases.
By being Delia, I have broken my social contract with my community. And yet, they are kind to me… I can see their confusion and hurt, but (for those who still recognize me) I feel their respect and forgiveness.
I hope this will last me until May.
March 26th, 2008 at 3:58 am
Jane
I feel compelled to write and share some of the varied, rich, and even somewhat unexpected thoughts and feelings this project has stirred in me; the fruit of your efforts. I knew from the start this would be a fascinating endeavor and it is exceeding my expectations.
I’ll cover this in an email to you but it seems a likely subject for “public” consumption as well and so here we are.
I greatly enjoyed my phone call to Delia this afternoon, odd and nervous as I and the conversation itself was. I am enjoying the tension that I feel navigating between you and Delia and what my world looks like between now and May when I bump into you. Life as art as theater as art as life- and it makes me smile and think. Serendipitous and, from my p.o.v. a mark of what I think of as Art (with a capital “A” no less!).
The posts in “the real me” blog have been touching as well as providing me with some, as I said, unexpected light upon my own childhood, current relationship (or not as the case may be) status and sense of self. I’m in a place for this performance to be particularly resonant for me; the light it is shining upon honesty in relationships, the constructed nature of our ideas of self and social interactions has given me much of what I expect from art; a most curious mirror that you are holding up and looking through. Thank you.
Steve
March 26th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Thanks for your comments. I’m glad to heard this is illuminating and well timed for you. A friend wrote recently to let me know that he wasn’t comfortable with meeting Delia, was missing me but was reading my BLOG to keep up with me. In my response, I said, “thanks for reading my BLOG. Sometimes it feels like I’m shouting out in the dark.” In the online realm, I never know if anyone hears me or cares…
It’s good to know that people are following this and getting something out of it.
-Jane