I ate dinner alone again tonight.  It was such a beautiful night, that I lit some candles, plugged in the string lights out on the patio, and found a jazz station on the radio.  Sitting under the stars and full moon on a gorgeous night, I should have felt happy and sophisticated.  Instead, I felt sad and alone. 

In fact, I felt terribly sad and lonely all day.  I talked to my mom and dad for over an hour and then thought about calling my brother too and my best friend from highschool, but I had a lot of business to do and now it’s too late at night (their time) to call.

I realize that I’m used to living near family and friends.  If I’m feeling down, I can pop over to my parents and say hi or drop in on a friend.  Usually I just call people, same as here but somehow it’s not the same, knowing they are so far away.  Although I’ve met lots of cool people here, I haven’t made any friends yet.  Most of my conversations over the last couple of weeks have been with sales people or customer service…

I think I need to be more proactive and invite people over, if I’m going to survive the next couple of months.

This is honestly the first time I’ve really lived away from home. I know, I know, I’m nearly 30 and haven’t left the nest.  In some ways that’s not true.  The first year of college I lived at home, but then I got an apartment with some girlfriends from school.  We had a lot of fun and are still in touch. 

But, I’ve lived my whole life in Michigan, within miles of my family.  Although I’ve been to lots of places and even overseas to England and France… it was different because those were vacations.  Even though I’ve only been here a few weeks (about the time of a vacation), I’m really homesick.  If I had the choice right now, I’d probably pack up and fly home.

But I made a committment to take over things for Jane, and really I was so looking forward to living somewhere different, experiencing something new.  But being here makes me realize that I’ve idealized Jane’s crazy, footloose, world-travelling lifestyle.  She’s traveled everywhere and lived all over the place.  When I read her messages from far away places, I’ll admit I was jealous and, of course, excited for her.

But here I am, not so far from home, knowing that I’ll be back in May, still able to call my family… and instead of being excited, I’m homesick.  Maybe I’m just not cut out for adventure (even on this small a scale).  Maybe I’m happiest surrounded by friends and family, and then flying off on adventures… knowing that I can go home after a few weeks.

Anyway, sorry for the depressing message.  On a happy note, I drove to the Anthropology Museum.  It’s a couple of hours drive (gee things are spread out in the desert!)  and, as I mentioned, I gabbed on the phone the whole time.  Don’t worry, I wore a headset and was very careful… I’m a very responsible driver.

The desert was absolutely amazing, with yellow flowering bushes lining the highway, and bright orange or purple wild flowers mixed in!  The campus was really beautiful too, with huge palm trees, flowering trees that smelled good enough to eat, and lots of tan people in shorts wandering around. 

I LOVE the weather here!!!  Makes me think I should have gone away for school!  If I had, who knows what I’d be doing with my life now…

-Delia