This is actually the hard part.  I think making physical changes will be relatively easy, especially because he is leaving it open and has not asked for anything drastic.  But to change how I feel and behave in my daily life, and to try and sincerely be a different person, will be a challenge.

(on the inside):

likes to touch, hug, kiss, hold hands; cuddling is ok:  I do like to touch, hug, kiss, hold hands and cuddle, especially with someone special.  I also like to touch, hug and kiss my friends.  My mother thinks I’m tactilely defensive, by which I think she means I avoid physical contact.  This isn’t true; I like to hug my friends and family.  But I do have a pretty big personal space.  People usually respect my boundaries and wait for me to initiate any kind of touching.

means it when we touch, kiss, hold hands, cuddle, have sex, etc.:  By “means it” I think he means that this is done with sincerity.  I want to believe that I am always sincere when I touch another human being.  But will I “mean it” when we go on the dates…?  All I can do it try.

cares about my feelings, my mental and physical health:  I already care about his feelings.  One of my big worries about doing this project was that the selected participant would somehow get their feelings hurt, whether through comments people post on here, something I might say or do, or simply by participating.  I sometimes wonder if I care too much about too many things and people.  It’s the reason I avoid the evening news.  I find it painful to watch reports on disasters, shootings, domestic disputes, bombings, etc.  I don’t ever want to become complacent about other people’s pain. 

likes sex and intimacy with me:  This will also be difficult to control or predict.  Sex and intimacy are complex.  I have never figured out what makes chemistry work with one person and not with another.  For me a lot of it comes from a combination of intellectual dialog, emotional closeness, trust, smell, physical appearance, how they look at me, and some spark that makes the difference between wanting to talk for hours and wanting to take my clothes off.  I have not been physically attracted to very many people in my life, but it is always a bit like magic when it happens.  It is also important to keep in mind that we will only be going on 3 dates and they will be quite public.  So far, in my opinion, the woman he’s described would not jump into bed on the second date, and certainly not live online…

doesn’t cheat on me:  Ah, cheating.  This is a painful one to think about for several reasons.  I have been cheated on and it was terrible.  When I discovered it, I felt a burning in my chest and my heart raced for days.  I was furious and cried daily for a month.  To make matters worse, he didn’t sleep with her.  He wrote her emails, shared poetry, called her and they saw each other behind my back.  It wasn’t a one time fling based on sex, but a budding romance.  Somehow that hurt more.  (However, I thank him for respecting my body and not sleeping with us both and giving me an STD or something.)  Another problem is the definition of cheating…  Is it just about sex?  Or does being attracted to someone else constitute cheating?  What about flirting?  What about online relationships?  The dictionary says:
cheat      
Informal To be sexually unfaithful: cheat on a spouse.

But I think cheating is not just a bout sex, but has to do with matters of the heart too.  I have a friend I care for deeply who lives far away, but we write and call each other often.  We talk about our work, school, family and friends.  In general this is not cheating.  I have a whole network of friends who I call and write to often.  I like keeping in touch with people.  However, I believe that how I feel about him may constitute cheating.  I feel very attracted and close to him despite the distance.  I look forward to his emails and calls.  This is one complexity of our modern world, because of communications technology, monogamy has taken on a new meaning.  I know people who “cheat” on their partner in cyberspace.  It’s too easy to do.  So I have to decide if I need to stop writing my friend or if there is a way to stay in contact but not have it be romantic.  Can I write him?  What about looking at his BLOG?  Or should I break off all contact and try not the think about him?  What do you all think? 

smells ok (doesn’t smell gross; keeps clean):  I bathe regularly.  I think I smell ok… Maybe I’ll try to be more aware of how I smell, just to be sure.  If need be I could use perfume, but I don’t know what he likes.

doesn’t criticize or complain too much, especially about things I do:  This shouldn’t be too hard.  I can occasionally be critical, but mostly about things I think are unjust, like governmental policies or favoritism in the classroom, rather than individuals or their actions.

non judgmental:  I try to be non-judgmental.  In fact, once a friend was complaining about a teacher he thought was terrible, and I commented, “Well, yeah, he’s a little difficult, but I still like him as a person.”  My friend responded, “That doesn’t count, you like everyone.”  He was right.  I do like almost everyone I meet.

not overly obsessive about things:  OK, I’m a bit obsessive, especially about my artwork.  I spend hours on it and when I’m in the middle of a big project, it’s pretty much all I think about.  I question everything and mull over every detail endlessly.  Sometimes I worry that my friends find me boring because I have a one track mind, and it’s set on repeat.  So I will try my best to not to obsess.  But I have to be honest, I’m not sure I can do that, even for just a couple of months.

not paranoid:  I am not paranoid.  In fact, I think many of my family, friends and colleagues would prefer it if I was little more fearful about the big bad world out there.

If she has had a mental illness, she has been treated for it and it is not noticeable:  I do not have a mental illness and I’ve been to therapy when I’ve had hard times in my life and needed someone outside of the situation to listen to me and give advice.  I always say ‘I won the brain chemistry lotto!’  My family has a number of mental illnesses like schizophrenia, depression, alcoholism, and anxiety.  Remarkably, I am a healthy, happy person.  I do tend to obsess a bit about my projects and I sometimes get anxious, but nothing unmanageable.

not too bossy:  To tell the truth, I can be bossy.  I’ve made a lot of progress over the years.  I try to phrase things in a questioning rather than authoritative way.  When I had my first live in relationship, I realized that he did not have the same cleanliness standards as I, so I said, “Listen, I’m not your mother, so I’m not going to clean up after you.  But I’m not going to live in a messy house either!  So why don’t we split up the chores. I’ll clean the kitchen, you clean the bathroom and we’ll both clean the livingroom.”  Then I made an instruction list of how to clean the bathroom and posted it on the bathroom wall.  Sigh… I was impossibly young.  I would never do that now.  Hopefully we’d have a conversation about it rather than a monologue from me.  I’ll work harder on not being bossy.

doesn’t consider herself right all the time, able to compromise:  Unfortunately, I do think I’m right most of the time, but I am always willing to listen to someone else’s point of view and admit it when I’m wrong.  I am pretty good at compromising.  I like to make compromises and find good solutions where everyone is happy.  Then again, sometimes that’s just not possible.  I’ll work on questioning myself more rather than asserting my opinion.

stands up for and defends the ones she cares about:  I almost always stand up for the ones I love or even for strangers if I perceive an injustice.  In grade school, I remember standing up for others which invariably made me the target of people’s cruelty.  It was worth it.

responsible: I pay my bills on time, do my chores, keep in touch with friends and family, and follow through on my promises.  However, I am horribly bad with dates, names and times.  So, I am always late with birthday and Christmas gifts.  I am also terrible with car and electronic maintenance.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, my car died (I ran over a rock right before entering the long line across the border to the US and all the oil poured out of my engine before I could even pull over… sort of my fault, sort of not.)  So now I don’t have to worry about being irresponsible in that regard.  But I can focus on being better about birthdays and maintenance.

junior college grad or higher:  Got this covered.  I am currently getting my masters.  I also have a BA, a PostBacc, and an Art School Diploma.  I sometimes wonder if I’ve spent too much time in school…

likes movies, video games, stories, fitness, art:  I like movies, stories, fitness and art.  I’ll have to work on the video games.  I am a little addicted to Spider Solitaire, but I don’t think that really qualifies as a video game.  Maybe I can find out which ones he likes and try those.  Or maybe my nephew can give me some pointers.  He loves video games and might know some games I’d really like.  Does Tetris count?

has a positive attitude:  At times, I think I might be too positive.  I’ve been accused of being a cheerleader.  Although, they assured me that they meant it in a nice way, like happy, positive and cheerful.

likes people, is a people person, sociable:  This is also no problem.  I really love interacting with everybody, including friends, family, the cleaning staff at school, my faculty, some scraggly guy at the bus stop who wanted to talk about photography, my students, people I’ve worked with or for, random strangers, acquaintances, people online, and just about anyone, anywhere, anytime as long as they are nice and treat me with respect.

doesn’t mind shy or sometimes quiet guys:  As I said, I love interacting with everyone.  Sometimes I’m intimidated by really shy people, because I’m afraid I’m boring or overwhelming them… But I find shy and quiet people are often more insightful and interesting when they do speak.

likes to talk about a variety of different things, is generally not at a loss for words:   I have this covered.  As well as being interested in everyone, I am interesting in just about everything.  And love to talk about everyone and everything.

doesn’t like illegal activity:  Generally, I don’t like illegal activity.  When I was little I had a friend who stole candy all the time.  We’d leave a store and she’d say, “I took this.”  And I’d say, “That’s not right.  You have to take that back!”  I’m still very much that little girl.  However, I have softened my position on what other people do.  As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else, I try not to judge.  I understand that people come from different circumstances.  Also, some laws are wrong, and it is not the person who is at fault, but the law.  But I can harden my view again and stick to the laws when it comes to my likes and dislikes.

doesn’t do drugs and doesn’t like alcohol:  I assume he means illegal drugs.  I can honestly say I’ve never taken an illegal drug.  Partly for moral reasons when I was growing up, and because my friends didn’t smoke, drink or take illegal drugs.  Honestly, it didn’t really occur to me to try stuff.  I do drink, and I like alcohol, especially a nice nip of single malt scotch or a glass of red wine with dinner.  But it isn’t a constant or important part of my life.  I will abstain from drinking, but I’m not sure I can convince myself that I don’t “like alcohol.”

doesn’t smoke except maybe a cigar a few times a year:  I have never smoked, but I can try a cigar if that is important.

when she gets to know me, she likes what she finds, then:  Because I like just about everyone I meet, I feel certain that I will like what I find.  As for love…

loves me:  This might be  tough.  First, what does it mean to “love” someone?  I love my family dearly.  I love my friends, even when they irritate me.  I love quirky strangers who seem to have a certain style, attitude or way of moving through the world.  I love the people who drift in and out of my world.  I love life and the people in it.  But I think he means romantic love.  I’m not sure I will honestly feel romantic love for him.  Can you convince your heart to love someone?  What is love really?  The dictionary says:
love
–verb (used with object)
15. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her. 
16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person). 
17. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music. 
18. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight. 
19. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover. 
20. to have sexual intercourse with. 

I’ll post my TO DO LIST soon!

-Your Perfect Woman