Cheshirecat: votes = 3
When I saw this on the news tonight I felt puzzled. The
central question is WHY would any woman — for that matter any man–
want to make themselves over just to please another person? There is
no such thing as a “Perfect Woman”… or a “Perfect Man”. We can can
all make a laundry list of things we would like in a “perfect woman”
or a “perfect man”, but that “perfect” person is a construct of our
minds. What makes every person unique, just like diamonds, and just as
precious, are their flaws. In people some of these flaws exist inside
a “perfect” body, and no matter how pretty the package the flaws can
be so great as to debase the person. Likewise, as in diamonds, the
brilliance of a person must shine from the inside out, though for far
too many all they see is the outside of the person and they never look
for the brilliance.
Me?? I look to see the whole, and not the minutia, and evaluate the
person both inside and out. I prefer blonds and redheads, but many of
my relationships have been with women with black or brown hair; I
like blue or green eyes, but many have brown eyes. I like Caucasian
women, but many of my best friends are Afro-American, Afro-Caribbean,
or Asian. I like women who are tall and shapely, but many of my best
friends are a little on the short side and can be more than a little
over weight, or thin as a rail. I like women who have medium sized
breasts, but some of my better friends go towards the opposite
extremes from truly flat chested, to Dolly Parton sized. I am 55 and
like woman who are about 5 years younger than I, but some of my best
friends range from 61 to 35!!! I evaluate the person as a whole, and I
either accept them as they are, for who they are… or not. I much
prefer the genuine article, rather than a false substitute. Don’t try
to be something or someone who you are not, for you will be found out.
You can not be either my or any man’s “perfect woman” without first
being yourself. The best you can be is some man’s fantasy date, but
fantasies are illusions, the veil of which at some point will be
pierced by the cold light of reality. You end up going to bed with the
“perfect person” only to discover in the clear light of day you went
to bed with an ass.
Instead of seeking out the “perfect person” seek out a perfect
friend. A true friend will stand by you through the worst of times,
and celebrate with you during the best of times. If you are trying to
be the “perfect woman” then read — or re-read — 1 Corinthians 13 in
the Holy Bible.
In closing, if you want to be my or any man’s “perfect woman”…
FIRST BE YOURSELF!!!
February 8th, 2008 at 7:57 am
Dear Cheshirecat, thank you for your participation!
Your Perfect Woman sounds like a solid, self-assured person.
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FROM 1 CORINTHIANS 13:
//www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13
Love
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
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What would it mean to focus on trying to “be yourself”? How would it change my daily interactions if I asked myself, “Am I truly being myself right now?”
Thank you and good luck,
-Your Perfect Woman
February 8th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Dear Perfect Woman,
The first and most important question you need to ask is: Do I like who I am?? If not, what about you don’t you like? It is critically important that you like who you are. If you have some physical aspect that you don’t like, and *you* want to change it, then change it!!! But do it for all the right reasons, the WRONG reason would be in hopes of pleasing someone else.
The question you pose, “Am I truly being myself right now?” needs to be viewed in reflection. If some action “A” of yours, or some reaction “B” of yours happens over and over. You need to ask WHY. If you try and change that then you need to first be able to answer the question, “If I change this or that what do I hope will be the results?” I am disabled, unemployed, and live on SSDI… yet I would not change one thing about myself: I know who I am, like who I am, and know what I have to offer. You can make most people believe a lie, but there is one person who you can never lie to, and that is yourself. How can you expect to please someone if you don’t know who you are, or what you have to offer?? Don’t allow others define who you are, you must define who you are, love who you are, and rejoice in being who *you* are. If you can say YES to that then you are truly being yourself right now.
The Cheshire Cat
February 8th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
“How can you expect to please someone if you don’t know who you are, or what you have to offer??”
I’ll base who I am on what is described in the winning submission. From that I’ll try to figure out who I am and what I have to offer. That is the nature of this project.
-Your Perfect Woman
February 8th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Dear Perfect Woman
Here is hoping you find all the Happiness you hope to find.
The Cheshire Cat
February 9th, 2008 at 2:28 am
Thank you. Do you really think this is about the pursuit of Happiness?
-Your Perfect Woman
February 9th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
If not for Happiness, why do it?
Cheshire Cat
February 10th, 2008 at 8:59 am
There are many answers to that question… and many ideas I am exploring with this project.
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FROM SEEKING HAPPINESS, FINDING DEPRESSION:
//www.sgiquarterly.org/english/Features/quarterly/0710/feature3.htm
We’re obsessed with happiness. At every turn are “how-to” happiness books, articles, TV and radio programs, videos and websites. There are happiness institutes, camps, clubs, classes, cruises, workshops and retreats. Universities are adding courses in Happiness Studies. Fast-growing professions include happiness counseling, happiness coaching, life-lift coaching, joyology and happiness science. Personal happiness is big business, and everyone is selling it. But, increasingly, all we find is depression.
There are several reasons for Western society’s worsening epidemic of depression. All higher systems of meaning have withered. Life purpose has dwindled to “feeling good.” Innocence, the lifeblood of happiness, is obsolete. We live on cultural soil perfectly suited for depression.
Governments are the biggest players in the happiness conspiracy. Any political action aimed at a more people-friendly or planet-friendly happiness is certain to be met with fierce resistance. The best consumers are itchy narcissists who hop, skip and jump from one fleeting desire to the next, never deeply satisfied, but always in the process of satisfying themselves. Our entire socioeconomic system is designed to spew out this type of “ideal citizen” who is, unfortunately, so often depressed. Contentment is the single greatest threat to greed economics.
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-Your Perfect Woman
February 11th, 2008 at 3:08 am
Dear Perfect Woman,
“Governments are the biggest players in the happiness conspiracy. Any political action aimed at a more people-friendly or planet-friendly happiness is certain to be met with fierce resistance. The best consumers are itchy narcissists who hop, skip and jump from one fleeting desire to the next, never deeply satisfied, but always in the process of satisfying themselves. Our entire socioeconomic system is designed to spew out this type of “ideal citizen” who is, unfortunately, so often depressed. Contentment is the single greatest threat to greed economics.”
A worthy thought: Take for example (since it is so close) Valentine’s Day, or Christmas, or Thanksgiving, or New Years Eve. All perfect examples. I have been single for all my 55 years. and yes that can lead to depression. (Been there done that). But there are other forces at work that can lead to depression: bad marriages, breakups, loss of work, etc. Add to that list an endemic population of mental illness…. Well you seem to be an intelligent person, I’m sure you get the drift. Happiness however can not be all bad:
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” From the Declaration of Independence of the United States.
What makes me Happy may not be the same thing that makes you Happy, however both of us have a right to pursue Happiness. As it pertains to your quote, the answer lie in realizing that money — and the pursuit of money — can not buy you either love, or Happiness. Were money the answer to Happiness we would have fewer millionaires who feel no joy in living. Indeed I think I remember reading something years ago of a study which looked at Happiness and Millionaires. Many were truly unhappy people. True Happiness must come from within, not in what we possess. Just a thought to think on.
Your Cheshire Cat
February 14th, 2008 at 10:58 am
I did not mean to imply that Happiness is “all bad”.
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FROM SEEKING HAPPINESS, FINDING DEPRESSION:
//www.sgiquarterly.org/english/Features/quarterly/0710/feature3.htm
The small Himalayan region of Ladakh is one of the best-documented examples of a happy and depression-free society. As Helena Norberg-Hodge writes in Ancient Futures, they were a remarkably joyous and vibrant people who lived in exquisite harmony with their harsh environment. Ladakhi culture generated mutual respect, community-mindedness, an eagerness to share, reverence for nature, thankfulness and love of life. Their value system bred tenderness, empathy, politeness, spiritual awareness and environmental conservation. Violence, discrimination, avarice and abuse of power were nonexistent. Depressed, burned out and obese people were nowhere to be found.
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Thanks,
-Your Perfect Woman
February 14th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Dear Perfect Woman,
Happy Valentine’s Day. In spite of crass commercialism, it is my sincerest wish that on this day dedicated to Love you in time you will find all that your heart desires, find peace in a world gone mad, that you find joy in living.
With Best Wishes on this Valentine’s Day,
Your Cheshire Cat
February 19th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Thank you, I also wish you all a belated Happy Valentine’s Day.
-Your Perfect Woman
February 27th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
EGADS! Now i have forgotten who i am???? I pursue happiness all the time when i am not wallowing in my own misery.
Cheers cat and woman..CAT WOMAN?!